There are times when I just look up to the sky and ask “Do I matter?”
Does anything I do count or make a difference? What is my purpose? Does anybody notice what I do? Does anyone even care?
Have you ever been at this point or felt like this at anytime in your life the ‘Do I matter place?’ Well I have and let me share my story with you.
I am sure the thoughts were put in my head as a child growing up in an immigrant familly, that all that matterd was school and work and not a single phucking thing else…not friends, girls, not sports, not books, not movies, forget about creativity and fun…what the phuck good is that for and how are you going to pay the bills with that?, was all I ever heard and was told. Being told that your talents and love are stupid, worthless, pointless, will get you no where, your a loser if you do that sissy stuff, time to stop playing in the sand box and get to the real world. Wow I tell you I heard it all and I heard it over and over and over again as they tried to beat my dreams out of me…conform child conform!! It was all about what everyone else would think of them, not so much me but how they raised me…my gosh what would Sally and John think if their son didn’t have a job at wait for it….11 years old.
So that’s where I think it all started, in the subconscious mind. Although I fought the power at every corner it’s still infected me. Even as I sit here and type these words its like one of them is in the room looking over my shoulder and I can hear them thinking…why are you wasting your time you should be working! Un phucking real! How can you ever have faith and trust ‘in what is’ when your soul’s love was never allowed to burn bright?
My journey to recovery and understanding the mind started about 10 years ago, and I can share this little tip to maybe help you through the day; thoughts are like clouds in the sky they come and go, so if the thought comes up of Do I Matter undersatand it will blow away if you let it.
So for all of us who want to MATTER, at the end of the day we do all matter.
We just need to control the mind chatter and focus on what matters…to us! Dont ever forget your inner child!
Love you all – hug the world, hug each other and never regret anything